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I was getting my hair done by my lovely beautician at the time, and she began to share one of her life experiences with me. In the mist of our hair and mental therapy session, she let a beautiful pearl of wisdom slip from her lips. She said, " If a man doesn't want to be with me that's okay, and it's his perspective."

My mouth dropped in amazement, and in that very moment of pulling and tugging, I had an epiphany about "perspective and perception." I realized at that very moment that you can't take anything personally.

Disclaimer: It is a difference between NOT TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY and LETTING SOMEONE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU. Don't see things, ignore them, and get played. BE SUCKA FREE.

See, for me, I had a bad habit of what some may call the "D" word. Not the "D" word you are thinking, but Drama. I say "D" in reference to the fact that, I hate to be associated with Drama. It made my skin crawl! To think that as laid back, chill, and passive as I am, my name couldn't possibly be put in the same sentence as the word "DRAMA."

I realized something, I wasn't passive or chill, actually, I was passive-aggressive. The problem with passive-aggressive people is that they will say that they are over it and that we forgive you, but in the back of our minds, we can still harbor negative emotions. We think we forgive, but we really don't.

How I chose to get over offense is knowing that one can not take things personally. People view the world in their own personal way. Their personal experiences shape the way they see each and every situation that they face. Often times, you may not know why something did or didn't work out. For you, you just see the outcome. When it comes to people, and being upset with someone else's choice, we really can't view THEIR OWN PERSONAL choice as an attack on you.

I was walking on the pier one day, and I hate the pier I always think it's going to collapse. My friend, at the time, saw me squealing moaning and jumping with every creak of the wooden floor. He made a radical statement (at least to me) saying "This pier has been standing here for over 100 years. There are hundreds of cars that pass through here daily. Tons of metal, in and out, and you think this pier is going to collapse today because you're on it. That's extremely narcissistic of you sweetheart" Of course I laughed about it, but it made me think. This was one of the reasons why I'm always offended. I had to take into consideration that I'm not the only one with feelings and emotions. I'm not the only one that can be hurt. I'm not the only one that goes through something. Everyone and their feelings are valid. The world does not revolve around YANI (as I once thought) and therefore, I learned not to take anything personally, and I learned how to overcome offense!

If you're not passive-aggressive maybe you deal with offense very differently. If this is you, I'd like for you to leave a comment below about how you personally deal with "offense" because everyone is different. It's always fun to share ideas on helping people overcome problems in their life. If you have someone who needs to hear about offense send them the link to the post!!!

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Okay Ladies, here's a valuable lesson that I would like to hone in on. This was something that I had to learn the hard way. I kept wondering why I was losing respect and continuing to get disrespected by some of the men in my life.

It wasn't just disrespect, but it was blatant disrespect. Ignoring phone calls for DAYS is blatant disrespect, a least to me. I wish I would have learned this little lesson early on, I could have avoided a lot of heartbreak, and had more success in my relationships with men.

Evelyn Braxton (Toni Braxton's momma) said something that BLEW my mind. " She said, if you catch your man cheating let him cheat in peace, because if you address it, and you don't do anything about it, then you become the other woman." (I know, I lost some of y'all, but let me explain.)

Now, hear me out, I've never been married, but in terms of being single, what she said holds a lot of significance. Let me give you an example.

The fact that I let the behavior of some of these men continue, tells me that I allowed it to happen. There is a wise old saying that says, you teach people how to treat you. I was clearly giving out lessons that didn't benefit me, but them. What would happen, became a vicious cycle.

(HONEST MOMENT) The man in my life, at that particular time, initially did something that I was not okay with. I'd either turn up on them, or I would just be calm and talk to them about it. The kicker is, I would stay, or leave. I would then come back knowing no progress was made when it came to their behavior towards me. (Desperate much?) I really didn't have any reason, to be back. I can't recall them ever trying to make it better in any way. I was basically telling them without knowing, "Hey, you can do whatever you want to me, and I'm still going to be here. I'm down for you and I love you."

If you want to stay, stay! I'm here for the love and working on a relationship with someone who truly loves you, and has your best interest at heart. (You'll know who does) For the rest of us ladies, who are utterly confused with why it keeps happening, it's called, allowing and not setting boudaries! I can prove my point, I was explaining how I felt to one of the men in my life, his exact words were "It must not have been that bad, you're with me right now!" To me this meant, it wasn't really a big deal for you because you're back. Ladies, YOU ARE NOT A TOY. Know your boundaries (what you're willing to take and what you are not willing to take) and when boundaries are broken implament a consequence. It's okay to hold people accountable for their own actions.

Going forward, I now know that it is a cycle, so I can break it, and also SHARE IT! Feel free to send it to a lady (out of love) who might have gone through what I went to. Hopefully, it will help her break the cycle. The word of God says people perish for lack of knowledge. I love you, ladies!! Please feel free to comment and give me some feedback as well!

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Something that I spend a lot of time doing is thinking! In fact, I'm an over thinker! I think way too much. The dope part about that is I spend a lot of time analyzing my action and analyzing what I did wrong or what I could have done better! These are some of the many but few lessons that I have learned so far in my dating process ( and it is a process!!) I hope you can take something from it and not bump your head as hard as I have! Happy Dating!

1. You won’t have to make a man love you, like you, or want to be with you

2. If a man says he doesn’t want to meet your parents he doesn’t plan on staying too long

3 .Set boundaries

4. Know exactly what it is that you want from that relationship and stick to that if it’s not what you want dip out and don’t waste your time or your kitty

5. Don’t nag... I had this extremely bad !

6. Don't put yourself in compromising situations

7. If you have to question if it’s love or not 9 times out of 10, it’s not

8. Vet your love interest correctly

9. Don’t be afraid of love (once you have found it as a safe space and edifying )

10. Sometimes love hurts, and it's not always easy.

11. If a man comes with excuses ALL THE TIME he’s not invested

12. If he never drives your way or you’re putting in all the effort he’s a user (depending on what he has)

13. If your man of interest, has just a bag of chips to his name if he loves you he will share

14. Listen carefully, 9 times out of 10 when you take off your love goggles they are telling, and showing you exactly who they are

15. Take it slow ... no rush : when we rush we tend to have love googles on in my opinion what love goggles are is the inability to find flaws often they are over looked (Girl, but he's perfect)

16. Identify what Red Flags you’re willing to deal with ... everyone has to deal with something, no one is perfect

17. Get out of your own way

18. If he’s telling you he doesn’t have time and he doesn’t incorporate you where and when he can. You rarely see him, you’re a connivence and he’s using you when he wants to he’s not as passionate about you

... ladies (and gents) you are not a toy to be picked up played with and sat back down

19. If you are dating someone who has fallen on hard times be careful extending yourself and expecting loyalty or a return ... when they get on their feet they may act different

20. If you two HAVE to keep your relationship between you to be mindful

21. If he goes MIA on you for weeks at a time he's not invested

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